Friday 2 December 2011

Sometime, around this time, one year ago...

Sometime around this time, one year ago, unbeknown to the entire family (and maybe even herself?), my Aunt started dying.
It was January when I first heard she was sick, February when she went to the hospital, and March when she died.. 

I just can't seem to get that phrase out of my head.
Sometime, around this time, one year ago, she was already dying.

And yet she was alive.

Leaving birthday messages on my answering machine.
Sending me packages of bright red dishes and painted birds.
Collecting enamel pots and polka dot mugs and smiling, smiling, smiling.

It can be excruciating sometimes, learning new realities.
I never thought to think about a time when the sound of her and my mom laughing from the kitchen would not be the background music of my life.
Never thought to think that fifteen minutes away in the next town over, a wide and smiling, excited to see me, welcoming warm hug from my aunt, would not be forever waiting for me.


Sometime, around this time, one year ago and for as long as I have lived, my world was changing.  I was slowly learning (still am), that this life I lead is not good, nor bad, it simply is my life. 
That it is not my job to relive the relationship my mom and my aunt had within my own relationship with my sisters.  Ours will take their own paths.
That even though the laughter of my aunt is left only in my memory,  I am still (have always been) surrounded with laughter.



No comments:

Post a Comment