Tuesday, 31 July 2012

We are a family with no traditions
Our dead (few that they are) leave us stumbling,
jarring into each other
Traditions lost to church upheavals and broken relationships
Us young
Stuck in a thrift store of ideals and religions
Trying on others discarded beliefs.

But this mattered
Gathering flowers and time and memories
Telling my children what I do know
That Grandpa fell in love with her the moment he saw her
(you can see it in every photo of them)
That sparkles and stickers and fifteen page letters will always be her domain
That generosity flows deep in our blood, as does laughter and faith
And that in our world where things seem constantly to be changing
Some things will forever remain the same.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

She leaned over and whispered in my ear
(Her breath laced with wild strawberries and rain)
Don't forget
Your day started with breakfast made
and a necklace too
from a little boy
loving you
Stop looking back
They are right there in front of you.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Sunday, 15 July 2012

This moment

I am...
....listening to the sound of the rain on my windows and smiling at my littlest, who when asked if he would like to watch a movie, snuggled deeper into my lap and said "I just want to sit and watch the wind and the rain".  Now that is one smart boy
....on the cusp of summer's bounty with the fresh eating, late night preserving, and trying to savour every last minute of it
....finally about to begin the untangling of two lives.  Feeling sad, anxious, hopeful, relieved and jittery, but mostly terrified
....constantly ruminating on all the possibilities this next part of my life may hold
....completely enjoying my beautiful niece and her joie de vivre
....panicking, just a little, about the upcoming start of homeschooling my oldest
....trying to find the balance of learning from the past, planning for the future, and living in the moment
....wondering why I constantly put so much stock in what others may think
....cartwheeling (with a little help from friend)
....wishing you overflowing baskets of all good summery things

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

“For {she} had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another.”
D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover

Monday, 2 July 2012

I just want to walk; barefooted and broken hearted
Till my feet are bleeding
till the wind blows the thoughts from my head
and I stop wanting you.
Till money starts blooming as freely as the dandelions I kick
till he changes for the sake of his children
and my baby's belly heals.

Can I walk the loneliness away and the busyness gone?

I just want to walk;
till my legs ache
till the sun burns the craziness away
and I am strong enough to say no
Till I am ok with someone not liking me if it means protecting myself
till I learn how to speak
and men with pretty words stop whispering lies to my heart.

Can I walk me stronger and you gone?