I didn't know
For sale signs on front lawns
could suck the breath from ones bones
I thought
I had done my letting go
in small increments of
grey strokes of paint
and cardboard boxes packed with
"clutter"
If home is where the heart is
What do you do
when you've poured your heart into a home?
And then its time to go
How do you gather the places
where your boys drilled holes
into hardwood floors
took first steps
plugged toilets with pretend cars
Is it possible
to neatly box it all up?
firsts
and lasts
angry dents made from thrown chairs
the hurts and hurtmaking
the loves and lovemaking
I didn't know what I didn't know.
Dear Friend,
ReplyDeleteI have been dreading the appearance of said "for sale" sign on your lawn for some time now.
It did "suck the breath from ones bones" when I saw it, even if I am just a witness.
I did too think "I had done my letting go" in "small increments" of rehearsed -we can still see each other, even if it is less spontaneous-
and -the seeds she gave me are now growing in my garden-
and -I am now a richer person because I met her-
But no amount of reasoning can alleviate the questions of the heart.
Well, my friend here is the deal;
I hate change.
That kind of change.
But most changes are for the better.
And you chose to go and I will let you go.
Although we never got to build that bridge between our houses,
I will take comfort in this:
"Beyond the field of right and wrong,
there is a field.
I'll meet you there."
I am sobbing at my computer.
ReplyDeleteI know this so well.
My heart is cracked wide open for you.
I had no idea how hard it would be to leave my own Texas home.
Your words are riveting.
Thank you.