Wednesday, 29 February 2012

My Kind of Loving

Today I am thinking that there isn't much better than...

This game....













A little boys fascination with his mama's pretty new dress....













Someone to dance with...













These two....













I hope your day was filled with all sorts of your kind of loving.

Saturday, 25 February 2012

I am
recalibrating
no longer who I was
becoming more the person I have always been
I catch fat snowflakes on my tongue
Shrink to fit into tonka toy trunks
love hesitantly
always, always holding something back
(I will throw this away someday soon, I will, I will)
dance foolishly around my house
(sometimes even when someone is watching)
(sometimes even when someone is dancing with me)

I am
trying
to challenge my values (and maybe sometimes yours)
so that I may find the truth
(my truth)
and not apologise for it

I am
wanting
beautiful things to come from my hands
 two boys to grow into fine men
to live simply
to love freely
to speak clearly
to shout out in my strengthening voice
that life is better when its raw
when the truth is known
(even when its grungy)

I am
(loving you)
(seeking)
me



Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Bravado














I aim to be as brave as the sky. 
With brazen colours that streak and stretch from side to side, and velvety soft clouds stroking the horizon (not to mention my soul). 
The sky has no need to apologise for shifting and changing on a whim,
or staying clear and completely blue for days on end.
If you wish to know the truth, it is there. 
As simple and as brave as the sky.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Fears


Peal off those layers of misconception, doubt, timidness, outdated beliefs, and self loathing.
Scratch them off like a rattlesnake with too tight skin. 
Reach up to those fears you keep stored in the upper cupboards, blow the dust off and give each and everyone of them a kiss. 
Then let them go.
Release them as easily as the dust flew with your breath and sparkled in the sun lite air of your kitchen.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Never Before Have I Danced So Sweetly



I gladly accepted their invitation to dance.  Reached out my hand to them and there, on the snowy gravel road under the crisp star filled sky, we waltzed.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Shifts

Life shifts, moves, settles.  Is flipped upside down, crumbled, built up.
Last year, in this season- the final dying gasps of winter and the beginning twinkle of spring- my life shifted. Mimicked February.  Died in some ways, began anew in others.

My Aunt began her last month of life- in a hospital bed, all of us gathering to say goodbye without saying goodbye in the hopes it was not true, was not as terrible as it appeared, that some miracle might rain down from above, that possibly it was as simple as choosing life.

I struggle, still struggle to understand how you can go from living to dying in almost an instant. 

Can we choose life in all situations? 

Some have asked me how I could be so brave.  Put myself out there for all to see.
I say,
I have spent too much of my life already hiding.
Afraid truths and sins and flaws would wash away all possible love.
And while I lived to tell the tale and remain loved (maybe even more so by some), a whole lot of hurt still happened because I too was afraid of my own self.

What is the most important thing about me that I am too afraid to tell you?  Still?  Someday I hope the answer is nothing.

You see, I always considered myself close to my Aunt. Related to her sometimes more so than my own mother.  Considered her a constant factor in my life.  And yet I realise now, I have no idea who she was.  What she ached for, longed for, had already achieved, wished to do, wanted to change.  What made her cry, what she considered her greatest mistakes, what made her heart full, what events shifted her world, what made her dance like a crazy fool when completely alone? 

And so I find myself speaking.  Taking photos and telling stories.  Refusing to hide, no matter how scary it is.  And it might just take me a lifetime to conquer it all.  And I feel completely blessed in this crazy journey.

So, what is the most important thing about you that I don't know?





Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Simplicity


There are moments so simple and sweet they fill my heart to overflowing.



Thursday, 2 February 2012

24 Hours

Yesterday started like this...














And ended like this....












So many emotions can fit into 24 hours.